Why is it so difficult to be a beginner in Tango? (published in Gancho, June 2014)

Tango was born from longing/missing. It’s called Argentine Tango, but it was born among the homesick immigrants brought from all over the world to Latin America to become slaves in the New World. So, actually, tango is a worldwide heritage, born in Argentina.

Tango was born from feelings and life into expression that manifested itself in music and dance. Therefore, through its very nature, tango reflects the feelings and lives of the dancers.

This is why, maybe, it’s so difficult to be a beginner in Tango. It gives that strange feeling, a mere intuition, that, if you give into it completely, you’ll be seen mask-less against your will; and you can’t control that, so at first you fight it. Do you recognize this feeling? : D

I’ve always thought (ever since I’ve been dancing tango, I mean) that tango and life are such similar experiences, governed by the same principles, that the way you live reflects the way you dance and, at the same time, the way you dance reflects the way you live your life. So why not simply merge the 2 experiences to improve them both?

I was once asked how do I teach the feeling of tango to my students and at that point I couldn’t answer. I thought long and hard about it and after a while it just hit me: you need to get to know the people and their lives so that you can give in tango the same feeling they have in their daily lives. Only then they open up and really understand it, then they slowly start to bring their life into their dance and soon after that they start to bring their tango into their lives.

When, as a beginner, you start dancing your tango the same way you live your life, you stop focusing on the steps, then you just dance.

It’s neither an easy process, nor a short one and some don’t have the patience to go through it. Sometimes the teachers don’t have this patience to get to know their students and then they keep learning mimetically and evolve slowly and dance only with their bodies. Sometimes the students don’t have it and become just copies of others. But sometimes a miracle happens and teachers get through to those who really want to learn and they begin to dance their own tango. For me, as a teacher, these are the most rewarding moments and I’m grateful to have had a few!

I still consider myself a beginner, I still learn a lot from each person I meet and dance with, or simply talk to. I still haven’t made all the connections between my dance and my life and I probably will never get to the end of it since both experiences evolve continuously.

So, I just want to say to all my fellow beginners: tango is the X-ray of our personality. In tango we can’t lie. Give yourselves the chance to discover who you are : )Have patience with yourself both, in the dance and in your life. You’ll be surprised to see how much you still can learn about your own personality and also how much you can heal through this. And when you feel that you’re losing patience, remember that you have to learn to crawl before you learn to walk…

And tell me: would you share an experience in which you realized how your life influenced your tango? Or the other way around? If yes, I’ll share one of mine too ; )

(http://gancho.info/why-is-it-so-difficult-to-be-a-beginner-in-tango-2/)

Tango - the journey to ourselves and love (published in Gancho, May 2014)

[romana aici]

In one of the last times at the tango lessons I was talking about the so called „bad habits”, about how fast and subtle they form and how difficult it is to get rid of them. So I decided to develop a little the subject.

First of all, what is a „bad habit”?

It can be the forward leaning of the head towards the computer screen, which led to the incipient kyphosis that tensions my shoulders and my neck and gives me an almost daily pain.

Or always wearing my backpack to school and back (and later on my shoulder bag) only on the left side, which resulted into a scoliosis that’s been bugging me for years now.

Or the stubborn silence in front of the things that I wanted to do/ have or the things I just wanted to say no to, which led to a pretty thick shell carefully crafted around me for years, too.

It can be taking for granted the entire information from all the people I respect and whose words I’ve never even began to doubt. And that led to copying concepts and movements without even considering running them through my own filter, or adapting them to my personality and my body.

Examples we can find many and we are all entitled to have some : ) And that is not a tragedy at all if we manage to acknowledge them. So the next question is: how do we set the apart from the possible “good habits”? And one of the answers is: by always being aware of ourselves in relation to us and also to the others and the situations in which we are. See? This is why I say that tango is a self discovery process! And I mean that beyond any momentarily perceptions of the concept of self discovery, beyond all the great self development techniques flourished in the last years (which are really good in essence, but I find they barely address facets of the subject). I find tango to be one of the most pure and of essence “techniques” of self discovery. Why? Well, because in order to dance it with the respect it deserves and we deserve, we are “obligated” to analyze and understand ourselves, from the physical to the emotional and mental level and maybe beyond. Again and again! This is our work with us and with the others and it’s a beautiful and rewarding work!

Each teacher/ „maestro” from whom we learn teaches us his/ her personal tango, the one that has been processed through his/ her being and personality, the one adapted to his/ her character and cultural background. It’s the most natural thins possible! You can’t really teach someone something that you haven’t yet understood yourself. But then again there is the other side of the process: the learning and the student/ the receiver of the teachings. And hi/she also has a different personality and particularities. Moreover, all these aspects are relative and they can change within seconds. So, the ideal thing to do is to pass every bit of information through our own filter so that we can assimilate them according to our personal structure.

The most „productive” period for bad habits is that in which we strive to remember – primarily with our bodies – what “natural” feels like. This process depends on the person experimenting it. It can last months, it can go on for years… it can be influenced by so many things. This is a period which a student (4 months in tango) compared to a “he loves me – he loves me not” kind of a relationship or a roller-coaster : ) In this period we are so overwhelmed by our discoveries and our attempts cu understand with our minds what we cannot comprehend yet with our bodies, that we quickly develop bad habit to compensate the many things we’d like to do at once. 

It’s very important that in this period we don’t take on ad litteram everything our teachers say or do. It’s important that we test as much as possible on our bodies and personalities all the things we hear or see – that’s what the Practica is for! Actually it’s important that we always do this, because we always learn and evolve in tango, we absorb and grow through everything we receive from our teachers, our students and all the other tangueros, too. The best thing to do is to test and ask questions, to discover by doing and observing how our bodies respond to movements, challenges and interactions.

If we just take for granted what others tell us we’ll only manage to become imperfect and dull copies of them, because – as I was saying – each tango dancer communicates his/ her personal tango, his/ her perspective on movements and feelings… Instead, if we adapt everything to our way of being, we’ll develop our own tango, we’ll discover it in us and we’ll discover ourselves in it. And we’ll have less bad habits! : )

These bad habits stick very easily to us, because we tend to see them as shortcuts on our way to the „fun” tango. And the easier we let them form, the harder it’ll be to get rid of them. Why? Because they get into our body memory, which is more lasting and more stable than the brain memory. And if you think about the amount of work you put or you’ve put in the beginning in order to remember the natural movement of your body, you’ll know what I mean. Allowing these bad habits – most often out of the laziness of making the “effort” to adapt the information/ movement – you’ll only feed your body unnatural memories. The result is that at one point you’ll realize that your tango is not comfortable and the solution will be one of the two: you’ll either go back to the hard work from the beginning to eliminate the bad habits, or you’ll quit. And I honestly don’t wish for any of these 2 options.

I wish that, if you love yourselves and you love tango, you do the “work” that this hobby requires as serious as children when they’re playing! Discover by plying, by asking questions, by being! Pure and simple!

(http://gancho.info/tango-the-journey-to-ourselves-and-love/) 

Tango – calatoria catre sine si iubire (articol publicat in Gancho, Mai 2014)

[english here]

Vorbeam intr-una din orele trecute la tango de asa numitele „obiceiuri rele”, sau „bad habits”, cat de repede si subtil se formeaza si cat de greu se vindeca. Asa ca m-am gandit sa dezvolt putin subiectul.

               

Inainte de toate, ce-i aia un „bad habit”? Poate sa fie aplecarea capului in fata inspre monitor, fapt care a creat inceputul de cifoza pe care o resimt aproape zilnic in tensiunea din umeri si ceafa. Sau purtarea ghiozdanului pana la scoala si inapoi (si mai tarziu a gentii) numai pe umarul stang, lucru care a dus la scolioza care-mi da de furca de amar de ani. Poate sa fie mutenia in fata lucrurilor pe care le-as fi vrut sau pe care as fi vrut sa le refuz, lucru care a dus la o carapace grosuta fabricata cu grija tot atatia amar de ani. Poate sa fie absolutizarea unor informatii primite de la oameni pe care ii respect si al caror cuvant nu l-am pus la indoiala, ceea ce a dus la copierea unor concepte sau miscari fara a le mai trece prin filtrul personal, fara a incerca sa le adaptez personalitatii si corpului meu.

Exemple sunt cu caruta si nimeni nu e absolvit de ele : ) Si asta nu e o tragedie daca ne dam seama de ele. Asadar urmatoarea intrebare este: cum le deosebim de eventualele „good habits”? Fiind foarte atenti la noi insine in raport cu noi insine si, totodata, in raport cu ceilalti si cu situatiile in care ne aflam. Uite, vezi? De-aia zic eu ca tangoul este o descoperire de sine! Si spun asta dincolo de perceptele actuale ale ideii de descoperire de sine, dincolo de toate minunatele tehnici de dezvoltare personala care au inflorit in ultimii ani (care sunt foarte ok, dealtfel, dar mie mi se pare ca ating numai fatete ale subiectului). Spun ca tangoul mi se pare una din cele mai pure si de esenta „tehnici” de descoperire de sine. De ce? Pentru ca, pentru a-l dansa cu respectul care i se cuvine si care ni se cuvine, suntem pusi in situatia de a ne analiza si a ne intelege de la corpul fizic pana la cel emotional, mental si poate si altele. Mereu si mereu! Asta e munca noastra cu noi insine si, implicit cu ceilalti, si este tare frumoasa si plina de recompense!

Fiecare profesor/ maestru care ne invata tango ne invata tangoul lui, cel trecut prin persoana si personalitatea lui, cel adaptat caracterului lui si specificului cultural caruia ii apartine. Este un lucru cat se poate de natural! Nu poti invata cu adevarat pe cineva ceva ce tu insuti inca nu ai asimilat. Dar invatarea nu este un proces unilateral, ea presupune un „receptor” care are la randul lui personalitarea si specificul lui. Si, in plus, toate aceste aspecte sunt relative si se schimba uneori de la o clipa la alta. Asadar, ideal ar fi sa trecem toate informatiile prin filtrul nostru ca sa le sedimentam conform cu structuta personala.

Perioada cea mai „productiva” in bad habits este cea in care ne straduim sa ne amintim – in primul rand cu corpul – ce inseamna naturaletea. Acest proces depinde, din nou, de fiecare in parte. Poate tine cateva luni, poate ajunge la ani... factorii de influenta sunt nenumarati. In aceasta perioada, pe care o eleva (4 luni de tango) a numit-o „o relatie din aia in care ba te vrea ba nu te vrea” sau „roller-coaster” :) suntem atat de coplesiti de redescoperiri si incercarile de a cuprinde cu mintea ceea ce nu ne iese din prima sa cuprindem cu corpul, incat dezvoltam rapid niste obiceiuri proaste care par sa compenseze multitudinea de lucruri pe care vrem sa le facem deodata.

E foarte important in perioada asta de inceput sa nu ne asumam ad litteram tot ce ne spun sau fac mentorii nostri. Sa testam cat de mult posibil tot ce auzim si vedem pe corpul nostru si pe personalitatea noastra – de asta avem practica! E important sa facem asta tot timpul, caci tot timpul invatam si evoluam in tango, asimilam si crestem prin tot ce primim atat ca elevi de la maestri, cat si ca profesori de la elevi si, evident, de la toti ceilalti dansatori. E bine sa testam si sa punem intrebari, sa descoperim facand si observand cum reactioneaza corpul la anumite miscari, provocari si interactiuni. 

Daca vom lua de bun ce ne spun ceilalti nu vom reusi decat sa fim niste copii imperfecte si sterse ale altora, pentru ca – asa cum spuneam – fiecare transmite tangoul lui personal, perspectiva lui asupra miscarilor si trairilor... In schimb, daca adaptam totul la felul nostru de a fi, vom dezvolta tangoul nostru, il vom descoperi in noi si ne vom descoperi pe noi in el. Si vom deprinde mult mai putine obiceiuri rele! 

Aceste obiceiuri rele se lipesc foarte usor de noi, pentru ca le vedem ca pe niste „scurtaturi” in drumul spre tangoul „fun”. Si pe cat de usor le adoptam, pe atat de greu vom reusi sa scapam de ele. De ce? Pentru ca ele sunt inmagazinate in memoria corpului, care este mai de durata si mai stabila decat memoria mentala. Si daca va ganditi acum cata munca depuneti sau ati depus la inceput ca sa redescoperiti miscarile naturale ale corpului vostru, o sa intelegeti la ce ma refer. Acceptand aceste obiceiuri rele – de cele mai multe ori din simpla lene de a face efortul suplimentar ca sa adaptati informatia/ miscarea – nu faceti decat sa hraniti corpului amintiri nenaturale. Rezultatul este ca la un moment dat veti sesiza ca tangoul vostru nu e confortabil, iar solutiile vor fi una din doua: fie veti reveni la munca de la inceput ca sa eliminati acele bad habits, fie va veti lasa de tango. Eu nu-mi doresc pentru nimeni niciuna din cele 2 variante. 

Imi doresc, daca va iubiti pe voi si tangoul, sa faceti „munca” aferenta acestui „hobby” cu seriozitatea cu care se joaca copii! Descoperiti jucandu-va si punand intrebari si fiind! Pur si simplu!

(http://gancho.info/tango-the-journey-to-ourselves-and-love/)

Great expectations or how I discovered “here” (published in Gancho, April 2014)

We, as human beings, have a tendency to get used to the good things in our lives and then take it for granted, or even stop appreciating it. We get “cocky” about the things we do well and forget what they mean to us. And what’s most dangerous is that we forget that actually everything is about learning more…

I had an interesting tango experience recently somewhere other than my country. An experience about expectations and humbleness, one that made me look closely to what I have home and appreciate it a hell of a lot more than I did lately.

So, after coming back, while dancing tango, I got surprised by one small detail: there was something different in my embrace, in the way I felt I was giving myself in the embrace and also in its form. It was something I wished to achieve before, but couldn’t, neither physically, nor… metaphysically. The change was involuntary, somehow natural, but it caught my attention so I took note of the moment and observed the details.

All this led to my realizing – in a different, more profound way than before – that everything is a forever ongoing process. That every step, every move, every feeling or embrace is a process. That the moment I said “There! I have this one figured out! I’ve learned this lesson, let’s move on to the next!” that was the moment that everything had changed. And I had to start all over again with the learning and absorbing the new way with my mind and body. And sometimes it was frustrating…

But what I discovered now is that nothing is final! Neither the steps, nor the understanding of the movements – even if they seem the same, nor the feelings, nor the essence of the embrace. I will never reach that ultimate “There! I’ve learned this!” and I find a great joy and relief in this discovery. Why? Because this way I can allow myself to make mistakes and then be compassionate about it with me. I can allow myself to get mad and then get over it. I can accept having faults, being happy and moving forward. Because everything is a process, I can allow myself to always learn more and from a lot more people present in my life.

And - maybe the most important thing - every time I find myself repeating any lesson in tango I realize that it’s not the lesson that has changed, not the steps, nor the movements… but me. Therefore I see and feel and integrate them differently. The things I wanted to change but couldn’t become suddenly available and flexible and they fit me. Not because I’ve somehow changed them, but because I am different in a way that I can understand and accept them.

This is a good life lesson, too. And now the prayer “'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdome to know the difference” has a lot of new meanings for me : ) This form of acceptance doesn’t include giving up, but it represents knowing that there will come a moment when I match those „unchangeable” things. It all depends on how I follow my path, how I do the work, how I lead my life. And also on the patience with which I allow life to happen, with everything in it: tango, people, love... me...

 And going back to the idea of appreciating what I have, I just want to say this: tango in Romania is of high quality, people here are welcoming and joyfull and good hearted, we have excellent teachers and a very nice community and... there’s more to say. But what I’ve really learned is not to compare any of this with another place, other people or  their quality of dance. I’ll just compare the way it was HERE yesterday with the way it is HERE today and I know I’ll be pleased with the progress.

I’m doing the same with my own... existance and evolution... and I’m happy about the tango in my life and the life in my tango! And the people! And the changes! And the experiences! And... 

(http://gancho.info/great-expectations-or-how-i-discovered-here/)

Tango crush (published in Gancho, September 2013)

When I first read Jennifer Brat’s article ‘’The Beginner’s Crush’’ (http://lasastresa.blogspot.ro/2009/03/beginners-crush-articol-de-jennifer.html) I thought ‘’Boy, I was lucky!! Something like that never happened to me.’’ I think I had somewhat more than a year of dancing tango and I was really happy that I was warned about the possibility of being falsely ‘love struck’ by an experienced leader. I managed to keep me away from the pain, I was proud of myself! Proud Mary keep on burning….

Burning, burning….

Here I am, 5 years later, looking back on my experiences in the ronda. And I can say, for the first time out loud, ‘Oh, I got burned a few times, some of them so bad, I am surprised I’m still dancing!’’ :)))

So it got me thinking about the subject and in my opinion there are three main expressions of the so called tango crush.

One of them is the dangerous one, where either the lady or the man mistakes the amazing feeling on the dance floor with feelings for the partner. From the stories I’ve heard, this usually happens to the girls when they dance with a more experienced leader, because we are more likely to be impressed by a man who shows strength and determination. They say that leaders (men) tend to feel insecure with a more skilled follower, so the possibility of being impressed to the extent of a crush is rare, but still probable.

Even if it’s hard to admit (in fact, I only admitted it to myself just a short while ago) this happened to me too, at least twice J The first time it hit me hard and lasted for quite some time. Luckily, the leader dwelt in a different part of this world, so purusing the illusionary feeling was difficult, so until the next time I saw him things were... easier to deal with :D

Another stage is the ‘’aware’’ one, usually the safest too. It’s when you get the butterflies in your stomach after a divine tanda and you’re in between appreciating the dance and falling for your partner. You actually know it’s not the person, but the Tango that just swept you of your feet, but you allow yourself to like – just a little bit – the person too J These are the flings that happen a lot, probably not just in the tango community. But the good part is no one gets hurt, it’s just the jovial, fun side of socializing and dancing.

I’m guessing most of us know that feeling after a surreal, incredible tanda when you just want to take off your shoes and stare into the void with a stupid but satisfied smile on your face… 

The third one is the most amazing one, because it’s a rare bird. It’s about the really lucky people who find their life partner in the tango world. I think this is the (secret) dream of most single people who got the tango virus. You’ll hear them state that they are in ‘’the tango business’’ for their personal development, for the inherent socializing, for the dance itself, for their egocentric pleasure… But deep down, they are in search of their own little fairy tale with the perfect tango and life partner!

I know a few couples who had this blessing to find each other in this amazing world ruled by the great Tango. And even if some have a simple story, or others have absolutely incredible movie-like stories, it all comes down to just meeting somewhere in the tangoshpere, getting to know each other, falling in love…

I’ve been through the first two and waiting (secretly, of course) for the third one : )

How about you?...

(http://gancho.info/tango-crush/)

Obiceiurile rele mor greu

Vorbeam intr-una din orele trecute la tango de asa numitele „obiceiuri rele”, sau „bad habits”, cat de repede si subtil se formeaza si cat de greu se vindeca. Asa ca m-am gandit sa dezvolt putin subiectul.

Inainte de toate, ce-i aia un „bad habit”? Poate sa fie aplecarea capului in fata inspre monitor, fapt care a creat inceputul de cifoza pe care o resimt aproape zilnic in tensiunea din umeri si ceafa. Sau purtarea ghiozdanului pana la scoala si inapoi (si mai tarziu a gentii) numai pe umarul stang, lucru care a dus la scolioza care-mi da de furca de amar de ani. Poate sa fie mutenia in fata lucrurilor pe care le-as fi vrut sau pe care as fi vrut sa le refuz, lucru care a dus la o carapace grosuta fabricata cu grija tot atatia amar de ani. Poate sa fie absolutizarea unor informatii primite de la oameni pe care ii respect si al caror cuvant nu l-am pus la indoiala, ceea ce a dus la copierea unor concepte sau miscari fara a le mai trece prin filtrul personal, fara a incerca sa le adaptez personalitatii si corpului meu.

Exemple sunt cu caruta si nimeni nu e absolvit de ele : ) Si asta nu e o tragedie daca ne dam seama de ele. Asadar urmatoarea intrebare este: cum le deosebim de eventualele „good habits”? Fiind foarte atenti la noi insine in raport cu noi insine si, totodata, in raport cu ceilalti si cu situatiile in care ne aflam. Uite, vezi? De-aia zic eu ca tangoul este o descoperire de sine! Si spun asta dincolo de perceptele actuale ale ideii de descoperire de sine, dincolo de toate minunatele tehnici de dezvoltare personala care au inflorit in ultimii ani (care sunt foarte ok, dealtfel, dar mie mi se pare ca ating numai fatete ale subiectului). Spun ca tangoul mi se pare una din cele mai pure si de esenta „tehnici” de descoperire de sine. De ce? Pentru ca, pentru a-l dansa cu respectul care i se cuvine si care ni se cuvine, suntem pusi in situatia de a ne analiza si a ne intelege de la corpul fizic pana la cel emotional, mental si poate si altele. Mereu si mereu! Asta e munca noastra cu noi insine si, implicit cu ceilalti, si este tare frumoasa si plina de recompense!

Fiecare profesor/ maestru care ne invata tango ne invata tangoul lui, cel trecut prin persoana si personalitatea lui, cel adaptat caracterului lui si specificului cultural caruia ii apartine. Este un lucru cat se poate de natural! Nu poti invata cu adevarat pe cineva ceva ce tu insuti inca nu ai asimilat. Dar invatarea nu este un proces unilateral, ea presupune un „receptor” care are la randul lui personalitarea si specificul lui. Si, in plus, toate aceste aspecte sunt relative si se schimba uneori de la o clipa la alta. Asadar, ideal ar fi sa trecem toate informatiile prin filtrul nostru ca sa le sedimentam conform cu structuta personala.

Perioada cea mai „productiva” in bad habits este cea in care ne straduim sa ne amintim – in primul rand cu corpul – ce inseamna naturaletea. Acest proces depinde, din nou, de fiecare in parte. Poate tine cateva luni, poate ajunge la ani... factorii de influenta sunt nenumarati. In aceasta perioada, pe care o eleva (4 luni de tango) a numit-o „o relatie din aia in care ba te vrea ba nu te vrea” sau „roller-coaster” :) suntem atat de coplesiti de redescoperiri si incercarile de a cuprinde cu mintea ceea ce nu ne iese din prima sa cuprindem cu corpul, incat dezvoltam rapid niste obiceiuri proaste care par sa compenseze multitudinea de lucruri pe care vrem sa le facem deodata.

E foarte important in perioada asta de inceput sa nu ne asumam ad litteram tot ce ne spun sau fac mentorii nostri. Sa testam cat de mult posibil tot ce auzim si vedem pe corpul nostru si pe personalitatea noastra – de asta avem practica! E important sa facem asta tot timpul, caci tot timpul invatam si evoluam in tango, asimilam si crestem prin tot ce primim atat ca elevi de la maestri, cat si ca profesori de la elevi si, evident, de la toti ceilalti dansatori. E bine sa testam si sa punem intrebari, sa descoperim facand si observand cum reactioneaza corpul la anumite miscari, provocari si interactiuni.

Daca vom lua de bun ce ne spun ceilalti nu vom reusi decat sa fim niste copii imperfecte si sterse ale altora, pentru ca – asa cum spuneam – fiecare transmite tangoul lui personal, perspectiva lui asupra miscarilor si trairilor... In schimb, daca adaptam totul la felul nostru de a fi, vom dezvolta tangoul nostru, il vom descoperi in noi si ne vom descoperi pe noi in el. Si vom deprinde mult mai putine obiceiuri rele! 

Aceste obiceiuri rele se lipesc foarte usor de noi, pentru ca le vedem ca pe niste „scurtaturi” in drumul spre tangoul „fun”. Si pe cat de usor le adoptam, pe atat de greu vom reusi sa scapam de ele. De ce? Pentru ca ele sunt inmagazinate in memoria corpului, care este mai de durata si mai stabila decat memoria mentala. Si daca va ganditi acum cata munca depuneti sau ati depus la inceput ca sa redescoperiti miscarile naturale ale corpului vostru, o sa intelegeti la ce ma refer. Acceptand aceste obiceiuri rele – de cele mai multe ori din simpla lene de a face efortul suplimentar ca sa adaptati informatia/ miscarea – nu faceti decat sa hraniti corpului amintiri nenaturale. Rezultatul este ca la un moment dat veti sesiza ca tangoul vostru nu e confortabil, iar solutiile vor fi una din doua: fie veti reveni la munca de la inceput ca sa eliminati acele bad habits, fie va veti lasa de tango. Eu nu-mi doresc pentru nimeni niciuna din cele 2 variante.

Imi doresc, daca va iubiti pe voi si tangoul, sa faceti „munca” aferenta acestui „hobby” cu seriozitatea cu care se joaca copii! Descoperiti jucandu-va si punand intrebari si fiind! Pur si simplu! :)