My "Critical Value" in Tango

[romana aici]
 
With me it’s simple - if there’s feeling, I’m the happiest girl in the ronda. But it’s a two-way street and everything depends on how vulnerable I allow myself to be at any given time.

Some time ago (about 4 years) I touched a peak of the connection in a tanda. It was the textbook definition of breath-taking! When he invited me to dance I was aware of his level (that is a much higher one than mine...), but I didn’t have any expectations at that moment... He embraced me like no other leader has ever done before, and still it was nothing but a tango embrace! We couldn’t, and for sure didn’t try at all, break the embrace, not even during the few seconds in between the songs of the tanda... it was simply magical! :) I searched that embrace afterwards with other leaders, but I couldn’t find it easily.

It did happen to me again though, pretty recently, when I least expect it, of course. It was just as evanescent as the first time - one or two euphoric tandas...

In both cases the story is still visible in details and shades on the direct source: the pictures that stand as witnesses over time. The closed eyes say more than I have ever conveyed with them open, as if trying to hold the feeling inside as much as possible, my smile - complicit with his... it’s really visible in every trait of my expression, I think... And in both cases I suffered when it was over. Most of all the first time, cause I had the chance of dancing again with that leader, after years, and we couldn’t find that connection anymore... It was almost unreal how much that hurt... and how much I’ve learned from that pain. I suffered the second time, too, but in a... normal way... as one might suffer after the taste of a good wine when it’s gone...

For me it all starts with the embrace - as the song says ‘It’s in his kiss’, in tango I could say ‘It’s in his embrace’. The way we stay in each other’s arms, the way we move together along the tanda in each other’s arms, the way we linger a few seconds in each other’s arms just after the tanda ends... these are the milestones of my happiness. It’s true that it is completed by the way the embrace floats on music and the way it can be lit by the surprise of little technicalities :)

But the critical value for me is the embrace. To be so close to the person you’re dancing with and not breath together, not move together, not complete that togetherness by giving in with all of your best seems almost pagan... I’m also a pagan sometimes, when I feel vulnerable and I think I need my own space, separate from my partner, separate from the dance, separate even from the music, a space into which I can escape to feel safe... But every time I do this I understand, again and again, that this is the least safe place there is... And only by returning into the partner, the dance and the music I can wear my complicit smile again.

From such reflections a question emerged: what does it take for an embrace to become THE embrace? And I realised that there is no unique formula, no generally valid rule, not even a pure personal formula. And that is because as my inner state shifts in matter of seconds, the embraces also changes; it is different with each partner, it varies on the music of Di Sarli, or De Angelis, or Pugliese, or Canaro; it changes with almost every step I take.

But what stays the same beyond all this are attitude and emotion. I have always imagined the perfect embrace the one I give to the dearest person in my life, whom I’ve met again after a very long time and whom I’ve missed like crazy. And this is why I know those euphorical tandas do exist - because sometimes I find that partner who comes along and surprises me by vibrating in the same way, speaking the same language, receiving and offering with the same care and longing... And for me, this makes the search worthwhile... :)

And there’s one more ‚little’ thing: therapists say that embrace is one of the most efficient methods of healing both soul and body. The main reason is that hugs give that safety feeling of peace, compassion and gratitude that help us stay positive. That has a major influence over the human state of existence (we all know the impact of music, colors, scents and dance in healing methods, precisely due to the soothing effects) and helps – sometimes with miracles – the healing process.

Virginia Satir, family therapist, says that ‘We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.’  You can check out more info here.

Now imagine how many hugs we get in one milonga and do the math yourselves!

What is your healing experience with the tango embrace? :)

PS: I'm happy to report that after those 2 amazing experiences with the tango embrace (the latter being already one year old), I have had others and they keep coming. So never ever stop searching!

C

Valoarea mea critica in tango

[english here]

Cu mine e simplu - daca e cu feeling, sunt cea mai fericita din ronda. Da-i cu dus si-ntors treaba asta si totul depinde de cat de vulnerabila imi permit sa ma simt la un moment dat.

Acum ceva vreme (a se citi vreo 3 ani) am atins un varf in conexiunea cu partenerul de tanda. A fost, cum zice romanul, breath-taking :) Cand m-a invitat la dans ii stiam nivelul (cu cateva capete mai sus ca mine, literal si metaforic totodata), dar nu aveam asteptari... M-a luat in brate intr-un fel in care niciun alt lider nu a facut-o pana atunci, fara sa fie altceva decat o imbratisare de tango! Nu am reusit, si nici nu ne-am straduit deloc :), sa rupem imbratisarea aia nici macar in secundele care desparteau melodiile din tanda... pur si simplu, magic! :) Am cautat-o apoi cu alti lideri - imbratisarea adica - dar nu am mai gasit-o prea curand.

Relativ recent mi s-a intamplat din nou, cand ma asteptam mai putin, bineinteles. A durat la fel de putin ca si prima data - pret de una-doua tande euforice...

In ambele cazuri povestea se poate citi detaliat si nuantat direct de la sursa: pozele care stau martore acum, peste vreme. Ochii inchisi transmit mai multe trairi decat cred ca am transmis vreodata cu ei deschisi, parca in incercarea de a pastra in mine mai mult senzatia, zambetul imi e complice zambetului lui... cred ca se vede in toti porii... Si tot in ambele cazuri am suferit cand s-a terminat. Mai mult prima oara, caci am avut ocazia sa dansez o data cu acel partener dupa mult timp, dar n-am mai regasit acea emotie in conexiune... E imaginabil cum am putut suferi... si cate m-a invatat suferinta aceea. Si a doua oara am suferit, dar asa... normal... cum se sufera dupa gustul unui vin bun cand nu mai e...

Pentru mine totul incepe de la imbratisare - asa cum spune cantecul ‘It’s in his kiss’, in tango pot sa spun ‘It’s in his embrace’. Felul in care stam unul in bratele celuilalt, felul in care ne miscam de-a lungul tandei unul in bratele celuilalt, felul in care ramanem unul in bratele celuilalt pret de cateva secunde la finalul tandei... sunt masurile fericirii mele. Este drept ca e completata de plutirea acestei imbratisari pe sunetele muzicii si e inviorata pe parcurs de micile surprize ale tehnicalitatii :)

Dar masura critica pentru mine o reprezinta imbratisarea. Sa fii atat de aproape de omul cu care dansezi si sa nu respiri deodata, sa nu existi deodata, sa nu completezi acel deodata cu tot ce ai mai bun de dat mi se pare aproape pagan... Pagana sunt si eu uneori, cand ma simt prea vulnerabila si consider ca am nevoie de un spatiu al meu separat de partener, separat de dans, separat chiar si de muzica, in care sa ma refugiez, sa ma simt in siguranta... De fiecare data cand am facut asta am inteles, iar si iar, ca acela e cel mai incert spatiu cu putinta... Si doar returnandu-ma partenerului, dansului si muzicii, pot sa-mi imbrac din nou zambetul autentic.

In urma acestor reflectii s-a nascut o intrebare: cum trebuie sa fie imbratisarea ca sa se poate numi ACEA imbratisare? Cred ca nu exista o formula unica, nu exista o regula generala si, in mod cert, nu exista nici macar o formula parsonala pura. Pentru ca asa cum starea mea interioara se schimba in cateva secunde, la fel se schimba, o data cu ea si imbratisarea mea; ea este alta in functie de partenerul cu care cladesc tanda, este alta cand aud un Di Sarli, sau un De Angelis, sau un Pugliese, sau un Canaro, este mereu alta aproape la fiecare pas.

Ce ramane insa dincolo de toate sunt atitudinea si emotia. Mereu mi-am imaginat imbratisarea perfecta aceea pe care i-o ofer celui care imi este cel mai drag din lume, si pe care-l revad dupa mult timp, in care mi-a fost incredibil de dor de el. Si de aceea cred ca unele tande sunt atat de euforice - pentru ca uneori gasesc acel partener care vine cu surpriza de a vibra la fel, de a raspunde pe aceeasi limba pe care vorbesc eu, de a primi si oferi cu acelasi drag... Si pentru mine asta face sa merite cautarea... :)

Si mai este un „mic” detaliu: terapeutii spun ca imbratisarea este una din cele mai eficiente metode de vindecare atat a corpului, cat si a sufletului. Motivul principal este ca imbratisarea ofera acea stare de pace, compasiune si recunostinta care ne ajuta sa fim optimisti, pozitivi. Aceasta stare are o influenta majora asupra existentei umane (stim cu totii ce impact au muzica, aromele, culorile si dansul in metodele de vindecare, tocmai datorita acestor efecte linistitoare) si ajuta – uneori chiar miraculos – in procesul de vindecare.

Virginia Satir (terapeut familial) spune ca „Avem nevoie de 4 imbratisari pe zi pentru a supravietui. Avem nevoie de 8 imbratisari pe zi pentru a ramane pe linia de plutire. Avem nevoie de 12 imbratisari pe zi pentru a evolua.” Puteti citi mai multe aici.

Acum imaginati-va de cate imbratisari avem parte intr-o singura seara la o milonga si faceti voi insiva calculele!

Care este experienta voastra vindecatoare cu imbratisarea in tango? :)

PS: sunt fericita sa raportez ca dupa cele 2 experiente povestite mai sus (de la ultima deja a trecut anul) au mai aparut si altele si par sa mai tot apara. Asadar, nu va opriti niciodata din cautat!

C