Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Great expectations or how I discovered “here” (published in Gancho, April 2014)




We, as human beings, have a tendency to get used to the good things in our lives and then take it for granted, or even stop appreciating it. We get “cocky” about the things we do well and forget what they mean to us. And what’s most dangerous is that we forget that actually everything is about learning more…

I had an interesting tango experience recently somewhere other than my country. An experience about expectations and humbleness, one that made me look closely to what I have home and appreciate it a hell of a lot more than I did lately.


So, after coming back, while dancing tango, I got surprised by one small detail: there was something different in my embrace, in the way I felt I was giving myself in the embrace and also in its form. It was something I wished to achieve before, but couldn’t, neither physically, nor… metaphysically. The change was involuntary, somehow natural, but it caught my attention so I took note of the moment and observed the details.

All this led to my realizing – in a different, more profound way than before – that everything is a forever ongoing process. That every step, every move, every feeling or embrace is a process. That the moment I said “There! I have this one figured out! I’ve learned this lesson, let’s move on to the next!” that was the moment that everything had changed. And I had to start all over again with the learning and absorbing the new way with my mind and body. And sometimes it was frustrating…

But what I discovered now is that nothing is final! Neither the steps, nor the understanding of the movements – even if they seem the same, nor the feelings, nor the essence of the embrace. I will never reach that ultimate “There! I’ve learned this!” and I find a great joy and relief in this discovery. Why? Because this way I can allow myself to make mistakes and then be compassionate about it with me. I can allow myself to get mad and then get over it. I can accept having faults, being happy and moving forward. Because everything is a process, I can allow myself to always learn more and from a lot more people present in my life.

And - maybe the most important thing - every time I find myself repeating any lesson in tango I realize that it’s not the lesson that has changed, not the steps, nor the movements… but me. Therefore I see and feel and integrate them differently. The things I wanted to change but couldn’t become suddenly available and flexible and they fit me. Not because I’ve somehow changed them, but because I am different in a way that I can understand and accept them.


This is a good life lesson, too. And now the prayer “'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdome to know the difference” has a lot of new meanings for me : ) This form of acceptance doesn’t include giving up, but it represents knowing that there will come a moment when I match those „unchangeable” things. It all depends on how I follow my path, how I do the work, how I lead my life. And also on the patience with which I allow life to happen, with everything in it: tango, people, love... me...

 And going back to the idea of appreciating what I have, I just want to say this: tango in Romania is of high quality, people here are welcoming and joyfull and good hearted, we have excellent teachers and a very nice community and... there’s more to say. But what I’ve really learned is not to compare any of this with another place, other people or  their quality of dance. I’ll just compare the way it was HERE yesterday with the way it is HERE today and I know I’ll be pleased with the progress.

I’m doing the same with my own... existance and evolution... and I’m happy about the tango in my life and the life in my tango! And the people! And the changes! And the experiences! And... 

(http://gancho.info/great-expectations-or-how-i-discovered-here/)

Friday, April 11, 2014

Tango crush (published in Gancho, September 2013)

When I first read Jennifer Brat’s article ‘’The Beginner’s Crush’’ (http://lasastresa.blogspot.ro/2009/03/beginners-crush-articol-de-jennifer.html) I thought ‘’Boy, I was lucky!! Something like that never happened to me.’’ I think I had somewhat more than a year of dancing tango and I was really happy that I was warned about the possibility of being falsely ‘love struck’ by an experienced leader. I managed to keep me away from the pain, I was proud of myself! Proud Mary keep on burning….

Burning, burning….

Here I am, 5 years later, looking back on my experiences in the ronda. And I can say, for the first time out loud, ‘Oh, I got burned a few times, some of them so bad, I am surprised I’m still dancing!’’ :)))

So it got me thinking about the subject and in my opinion there are three main expressions of the so called tango crush.

One of them is the dangerous one, where either the lady or the man mistakes the amazing feeling on the dance floor with feelings for the partner. From the stories I’ve heard, this usually happens to the girls when they dance with a more experienced leader, because we are more likely to be impressed by a man who shows strength and determination. They say that leaders (men) tend to feel insecure with a more skilled follower, so the possibility of being impressed to the extent of a crush is rare, but still probable.

Even if it’s hard to admit (in fact, I only admitted it to myself just a short while ago) this happened to me too, at least twice J The first time it hit me hard and lasted for quite some time. Luckily, the leader dwelt in a different part of this world, so purusing the illusionary feeling was difficult, so until the next time I saw him things were... easier to deal with :D

Another stage is the ‘’aware’’ one, usually the safest too. It’s when you get the butterflies in your stomach after a divine tanda and you’re in between appreciating the dance and falling for your partner. You actually know it’s not the person, but the Tango that just swept you of your feet, but you allow yourself to like – just a little bit – the person too J These are the flings that happen a lot, probably not just in the tango community. But the good part is no one gets hurt, it’s just the jovial, fun side of socializing and dancing.

I’m guessing most of us know that feeling after a surreal, incredible tanda when you just want to take off your shoes and stare into the void with a stupid but satisfied smile on your face… 

The third one is the most amazing one, because it’s a rare bird. It’s about the really lucky people who find their life partner in the tango world. I think this is the (secret) dream of most single people who got the tango virus. You’ll hear them state that they are in ‘’the tango business’’ for their personal development, for the inherent socializing, for the dance itself, for their egocentric pleasure… But deep down, they are in search of their own little fairy tale with the perfect tango and life partner!

I know a few couples who had this blessing to find each other in this amazing world ruled by the great Tango. And even if some have a simple story, or others have absolutely incredible movie-like stories, it all comes down to just meeting somewhere in the tangoshpere, getting to know each other, falling in love…

I’ve been through the first two and waiting (secretly, of course) for the third one : )
How about you?...

(http://gancho.info/tango-crush/)

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Obiceiurile rele mor greu

Vorbeam intr-una din orele trecute la tango de asa numitele „obiceiuri rele”, sau „bad habits”, cat de repede si subtil se formeaza si cat de greu se vindeca. Asa ca m-am gandit sa dezvolt putin subiectul.

Inainte de toate, ce-i aia un „bad habit”? Poate sa fie aplecarea capului in fata inspre monitor, fapt care a creat inceputul de cifoza pe care o resimt aproape zilnic in tensiunea din umeri si ceafa. Sau purtarea ghiozdanului pana la scoala si inapoi (si mai tarziu a gentii) numai pe umarul stang, lucru care a dus la scolioza care-mi da de furca de amar de ani. Poate sa fie mutenia in fata lucrurilor pe care le-as fi vrut sau pe care as fi vrut sa le refuz, lucru care a dus la o carapace grosuta fabricata cu grija tot atatia amar de ani. Poate sa fie absolutizarea unor informatii primite de la oameni pe care ii respect si al caror cuvant nu l-am pus la indoiala, ceea ce a dus la copierea unor concepte sau miscari fara a le mai trece prin filtrul personal, fara a incerca sa le adaptez personalitatii si corpului meu.

Exemple sunt cu caruta si nimeni nu e absolvit de ele : ) Si asta nu e o tragedie daca ne dam seama de ele. Asadar urmatoarea intrebare este: cum le deosebim de eventualele „good habits”? Fiind foarte atenti la noi insine in raport cu noi insine si, totodata, in raport cu ceilalti si cu situatiile in care ne aflam. Uite, vezi? De-aia zic eu ca tangoul este o descoperire de sine! Si spun asta dincolo de perceptele actuale ale ideii de descoperire de sine, dincolo de toate minunatele tehnici de dezvoltare personala care au inflorit in ultimii ani (care sunt foarte ok, dealtfel, dar mie mi se pare ca ating numai fatete ale subiectului). Spun ca tangoul mi se pare una din cele mai pure si de esenta „tehnici” de descoperire de sine. De ce? Pentru ca, pentru a-l dansa cu respectul care i se cuvine si care ni se cuvine, suntem pusi in situatia de a ne analiza si a ne intelege de la corpul fizic pana la cel emotional, mental si poate si altele. Mereu si mereu! Asta e munca noastra cu noi insine si, implicit cu ceilalti, si este tare frumoasa si plina de recompense!

Fiecare profesor/ maestru care ne invata tango ne invata tangoul lui, cel trecut prin persoana si personalitatea lui, cel adaptat caracterului lui si specificului cultural caruia ii apartine. Este un lucru cat se poate de natural! Nu poti invata cu adevarat pe cineva ceva ce tu insuti inca nu ai asimilat. Dar invatarea nu este un proces unilateral, ea presupune un „receptor” care are la randul lui personalitarea si specificul lui. Si, in plus, toate aceste aspecte sunt relative si se schimba uneori de la o clipa la alta. Asadar, ideal ar fi sa trecem toate informatiile prin filtrul nostru ca sa le sedimentam conform cu structuta personala.

Perioada cea mai „productiva” in bad habits este cea in care ne straduim sa ne amintim – in primul rand cu corpul – ce inseamna naturaletea. Acest proces depinde, din nou, de fiecare in parte. Poate tine cateva luni, poate ajunge la ani... factorii de influenta sunt nenumarati. In aceasta perioada, pe care o eleva (4 luni de tango) a numit-o „o relatie din aia in care ba te vrea ba nu te vrea” sau „roller-coaster” :) suntem atat de coplesiti de redescoperiri si incercarile de a cuprinde cu mintea ceea ce nu ne iese din prima sa cuprindem cu corpul, incat dezvoltam rapid niste obiceiuri proaste care par sa compenseze multitudinea de lucruri pe care vrem sa le facem deodata.
E foarte important in perioada asta de inceput sa nu ne asumam ad litteram tot ce ne spun sau fac mentorii nostri. Sa testam cat de mult posibil tot ce auzim si vedem pe corpul nostru si pe personalitatea noastra – de asta avem practica! E important sa facem asta tot timpul, caci tot timpul invatam si evoluam in tango, asimilam si crestem prin tot ce primim atat ca elevi de la maestri, cat si ca profesori de la elevi si, evident, de la toti ceilalti dansatori. E bine sa testam si sa punem intrebari, sa descoperim facand si observand cum reactioneaza corpul la anumite miscari, provocari si interactiuni.
Daca vom lua de bun ce ne spun ceilalti nu vom reusi decat sa fim niste copii imperfecte si sterse ale altora, pentru ca – asa cum spuneam – fiecare transmite tangoul lui personal, perspectiva lui asupra miscarilor si trairilor... In schimb, daca adaptam totul la felul nostru de a fi, vom dezvolta tangoul nostru, il vom descoperi in noi si ne vom descoperi pe noi in el. Si vom deprinde mult mai putine obiceiuri rele! 
Aceste obiceiuri rele se lipesc foarte usor de noi, pentru ca le vedem ca pe niste „scurtaturi” in drumul spre tangoul „fun”. Si pe cat de usor le adoptam, pe atat de greu vom reusi sa scapam de ele. De ce? Pentru ca ele sunt inmagazinate in memoria corpului, care este mai de durata si mai stabila decat memoria mentala. Si daca va ganditi acum cata munca depuneti sau ati depus la inceput ca sa redescoperiti miscarile naturale ale corpului vostru, o sa intelegeti la ce ma refer. Acceptand aceste obiceiuri rele – de cele mai multe ori din simpla lene de a face efortul suplimentar ca sa adaptati informatia/ miscarea – nu faceti decat sa hraniti corpului amintiri nenaturale. Rezultatul este ca la un moment dat veti sesiza ca tangoul vostru nu e confortabil, iar solutiile vor fi una din doua: fie veti reveni la munca de la inceput ca sa eliminati acele bad habits, fie va veti lasa de tango. Eu nu-mi doresc pentru nimeni niciuna din cele 2 variante.
Imi doresc, daca va iubiti pe voi si tangoul, sa faceti „munca” aferenta acestui „hobby” cu seriozitatea cu care se joaca copii! Descoperiti jucandu-va si punand intrebari si fiind! Pur si simplu! :)